Uncle!

When I was a kid we used to play all sorts of masochistic games like "bloody knuckles" and "red carpet." I don't know if it was because I grew up with three brothers, or if all kids were maiming each other in the name of fun. Regardless, I really think I spent a good deal of my childhood with one arm pinned behind my back. There was one way to find relief - one tiny word that would mean release and return of blood flow to the trapped appendage. To "cry uncle" was to admit defeat. It was to acknowledge that something was bigger and more powerful than you. The ultimate concession.
So here I find myself - no bloody knuckles, no beet-red forearm, no pinned appendages - but finally ready to cry "Uncle!" Fall is here. I can't stop the cold from coming. I can't hold the leaves on the tree branches. It's bigger than me and more powerful and I can't do anything about it.
I usually like Fall. Scratch that. I usually LOVE Fall. It's my favorite time of the year. I love how the air changes. I love the colors and smells of this season. I love that that school starts and that it's like a wonderful kick-off for a whole line-up of holidays. I love Fall clothes, Fall foods, and just about everything about it.
This year has been different for me, though. I'm having a really hard time letting go of Summer and embracing Fall. I feel like I've been fighting it off with every bit of my energy. I've been contemplating why I'm not being true to my favorite season - why I'm doublecrossing Fall - and I've concluded that it's not my season that's the problem, but TIME.
Time is passing way too fast! Holidays are coming and going. Years feel like months, and months like days. The fact of the matter is - my kids are growing up! I love watching them grow, change, and progress. It's just happening too fast! I feel like I'm grasping for dear life onto something that is just slipping away. It's bigger than me and more powerful. I can't do anything about it. They are changing and growing and I haven't documented everything and I haven't done everything that I've wanted to. I find myself staring at them a little more and sometimes just closing my eyes and memorizing how it feels to rub my cheek against their baby-soft skin, and how their little skinny arms feel wrapped around my neck. I want to hold them a little longer, smell their sweet hair, and nuzzle their soft little necks. I find myself tearing up a little more than I need to as I watch them interact. (Okay, the nice interactions - not when they're beating the trash out of each other...)I feel like I've been digging my heels in and pulling for all I'm worth to fight against it.
Uncle! I'm ready now. I'm ready to finally put away the rest of the summer clothes, and even our beloved flip flops. I'm ready to put the sweaters in their closets and admit that everyone has to wear socks every day. (Washing and sorting socks... now that's another post.) I'm ready to linger in the front entrance of the grocery store and drink in the smell of the cinnimon scented pine cones. I'm ready to enjoy the chill in the air and the beautiful fall colors. I'm happy about working on Halloween costumes and getting super excited about Thanksgiving. Don't tell my kids, but there are some Christmas presents stashed in the garage. Bring it!
So today, I'm going to take some deep breaths and welcome fall. I'm going to help my kids make little bats out their footprints to hang on the wall and I'm going to take another deep breath as I realize how big those footprints are - and that they're only getting bigger. I love where they've been and love where they're headed.
Just like the beginning of fall means that more wonderful things are in store, I'm ready to concede to this time thing and remember that we have many more wonderful things in store. Okay. I'm ready...now. Happy Fall!